Opposites Don’t Attract (ft. cultural friend groups)
Throughout my childhood in New Hampshire, I had three close friends. Despite being surrounded by white people, all my friends were of Indian descent, just like me. Fast forward, and I am in my first year of college, and who would have guessed, my new best friend is also of Indian descent. So I tried to understand why that was, why all of the meaningful friendships and connections in my life were Indian. The answer to this question has led me to multiple answers and factors that play into this whole exclusive same-race/ethnicity friend group phenomenon.
This all starts with the family influence that shapes who you spend your time around as a child outside your house. Personally speaking, my childhood was filled with experiences where my parents would take me to their friends’ houses, and they would have kids my age. Going to their houses and having my parents' friends come to our house eventually sparked friendships between myself and their children. My family and community networks forged unbreakable social connections with people like me from a young age. As I grew older, it became an inside joke between me and my Indian friends to call the white kids at school our “school friends,” whereas we were each other's actual “real” friends. I found this hilarious at the time because we would ask each other why we were even talking to so and so at school, and we would respond because every connection with a person has its use, even if they seem shallow.
However, starting college last fall made me realize a lot of things that were flawed with my friend group and all the exclusive friend groups like this. While we may have connected due to our parents being family friends or just because we saw each other in school one day and were like “Aha, an Indian just like me,” it doesn't change the fact that we limited each other's exposure to diverse perspectives and experiences. Nor does it change the fact that groups like ours are “echo chambers” where members only hear and reinforce similar views, which only stunts personal growth and open-mindedness. Lastly, in friend groups like mine, members might also feel pressure to conform to cultural norms and expectations, even if they don't align with their personal beliefs or identities because nobody wants to be “whitewashed.”
All these negatives regarding a friend group like mine don’t come without their positives, which is why this issue raises the question of “Are exclusive Indian-only friend groups such a bad thing?” Well, it depends, because in a world and country filled with so much hate towards minorities, these groups can offer significant benefits. Members of the group may share similar cultural backgrounds, traditions, and values, which can foster a sense of belonging and understanding. Shared language, customs, and experiences can create a comforting environment, especially for those who might feel marginalized in broader society. These groups can provide emotional and social support, especially in environments where members might face racism or discrimination. They can offer guidance and advice based on shared experiences, such as navigating identity issues or dealing with cultural expectations. Additionally, such groups can help preserve cultural heritage and traditions, passing them on to future generations. They can provide a space to celebrate cultural events and practices that might not be as prominent in the broader community.
Ultimately, the healthiness of an Indian-only friend group, or any ethnic-specific group, depends on how it balances inclusivity, support, and openness to diverse experiences. Individuals need to assess their own needs and the dynamics of their friend groups to ensure they are fostering positive and enriching relationships. How do you navigate the balance between cultural comfort and diverse experiences in your friendships?
